Hi everyone! You like funny? All travellers come across funny stuff in their travels. Our funny stuff is going to appear here. We will try to keep items as brief as possible!
If you have your own funny incidents from your travels… as brief as possible, with a maximum of 100 words… send them to us by email: firstname.lastname@example.org or send as a Comment in the Blog section of this website.
If they make us laugh we will include them!
* We were sitting next to a German tourist, recently arrived in Bangkok. A tout walked past selling toy frogs that make this annoying frog sound. I said to the guy, “Sounds like a frog!” He looked like he might hit me and replied, indignantly, “NO,I AM GERMAN!”
* I was checking out some other travel blogs relating to the famous Bridge on the River Kwai, which was destroyed in WWII but then re-built. One blog by an English woman stated, quite seriously, that the bridge was NOT destroyed, (because it’s still there perhaps!?), just the one in the movie! Tell that to the families of all those that died on it!
* An Indian restaurant in Cambodia was advertising its ‘lamp roast.’
* I was invited to a poker game in a nameless Asian country. There were 16 at the game, but only 1 was Asian, and 13 of the players were Russians who couldn’t speak English. So they were jabbering all night in Russian! Collusion perhaps?
* In Thailand we pre-booked a train at 2:22 out of Hua Hin, to link with another train 5 hours later out of Bangkok. When we arrived at the station at 2:00 PM, we discovered the train had left at 2:22 AM. Remarkably there was another train leaving at 2:12 PM, which we caught with seconds to spare!
* Our trekking guide in the jungle out of Chiang Mai, Thailand, claimed to be a practising Buddhist. He told ud about the 5 laws of Buddhism but we saw him break all 5 over the 3 days!
* A Thai man was reported to have died from a spider bite over the Chinese New Year period in Phuket, Thailand. The following edition (it’s a weekly) revealed he had actually died from alcohol poisoning!
* A strip club in Phuket has released ‘Alibi Aftershave’ for men who arrive home late from their club. It comes in 2 aromas, to disguise where the guy has been: 1) car broke down and 2) working late
* A dead body floating in the sea off Phuket was reported to Police numerous times before any action was taken!
* The bars at Patong beach, Phuket, Thailand were complaining officially because having to close at 2 am was costing them a lot of money from drunken foreigners not spending!
* In Thailand, a fat drunk died. The investigation revealed it was not related to the bar girls he had visited earlier!
* Remains of elephants were found in remote areas of Thailand. Trunks and sex organs were found missing, and elephant sashimi is suspected!
* Speaking of sashimi, this guy we met in Thailand was in an overnight fishing competition. One of his fish would have won one of the sections in the competition at the weigh-in the next day, but his Thai crew made it into sashimi!
* A foreign woman disappeared off her yacht near Phuket, Thailand. Her husband discovered her missing when he came up from below-deck to take over. Hmmmm.
* The Thai Transport Minister had his house broken into by robbers and was hard pressed to explain why there was a reputed 1 billion Thai baht ($33 million) in CASH. Hmmmm again!?
* Our Thai guide on the jungle trek told us, seriously, that to cure a centipede bite, you must burn a woman’s pubic hair and rub the ash on the wound!
* When I went to a hair-dressing salon for a hair-cut in Thailand, I was told that it was for women only. One of the female hairdressers put me on the back of her motor-bike and rode me down the road to a barber shop. There I paid $2.60 for a cut, head and neck massage lasting 20 minutes.
* The border crossing from Thailand into Cambodia at Poipet. Enough said!
* We were looking to book a hotel near the railway station in Bangkok, Thailand. A page of possibles came up. I clicked on a paid advertisement for the Hotel Grand Central. Everything about it was perfect. After processing payment I found that the hotel was in INDIA! and there were no refunds! (However, because I cancelled within 4 minutes we got our money back.)
* Perhaps in an effort to receive higher/more donations, the Cambodian land-mine victims band puts prosthetic arms and legs on display at the front of their stage when performing. Very hard to walk past and not donate.
* The Cambodians also sell a lot of T-shirts with ‘Danger: land mines!’ emblazoned across them.
* In Cambodia we met an Australian woman who works in the Health industry. She was getting drunk on the cheap cocktails. I noticed she was also smoking, so I said, “Aren’t the smokes cheap here!!?” (They are 3 packs for $1) She replied, “I don’t usually smoke in Australia! But here I can’t afford NOT to!”
* The Thai police confiscated 50 000 illegal DVD’s from ONE operator. The American movie industry would claim that had cost them $1million in lost revenue!
* A Cambodian Olympic Games boxing prospect arrived late for the pre-Olmpics competition in Kazakhstan. He apparently missed the connecting flight out of Istanbul, because his English was poor. That was in spite of an 8 hour stopover in Istanbul. You know what they say about boxing and brain cells!
* Cambodians are being evicted along the railway line so it can be re-developed (currently NO trains in Cambodia!) The eviction notices give them 10 days to move on or face destruction/removal of their homes. Problem is they claim to have only received them one day before!
* The Timeshare scammers in Phuket, Thailand are no strangers to lying. One guy told us he had sold one to his mother, which can’t be true because, in another lie, family members can use all the hotels for free.
* In Thailand, we watched these guys trying to survive for a few seconds with their feet in the foot massage aquarium, as the fish fed on their feet. They couldn’t do it and everybody was in fits of laughter.
* In the Thailand jungle, I went to bed in an elevated jungle hut, in total darkness after a few drinks. It was only in the morning I noticed a few gaping holes in the bamboo/matting floor, any of which my foot could have gone straight through!
* The ”drinks package’ for the Full Moon Party was advertised on a poster for $60. In the land of the $2 cocktails and 50 cent beers, that’s a lot of serious drinking!!
* We were talking to this Swedish guy. He told us that this American guy could not believe that he spoke a language other than English. His final comment on the matter, “I bet you dream in English!”
* Same guy was in a taxi in New York, after 9-11, chatting with the driver. When it came up in conversation that he was from Sweden, the cabbie pulled over, turned and asked him seriously, : “Are you with us, or against us?”
* In China, the bank didn’t know how to change my money, so I was asked to climb on the back of one of the employee’s motor-bike, and was taken to another bank downtown!
* In Canada, they wanted over $300 for parking our car at the airport for 5 weeks when we flew to Europe, which was more than the cost of our return flights. So we booked it into a nearby garage, had the muffler fixed and paid only $20 for storage.
* In Canada, running in sub-zero temperatures, I realized I was losing feeling downstairs. So I finished the run with my hand down my pants as a precaution. Thawing out was very painful!
* I was playing Curling in Canada, in the local competition when I committed the gravest curling sin. While sweeping my partner’s rock I slipped on the ice and kicked my partner’s rock as I fell.
* Jenny and I were in the back of our van at a camping spot in Canada, with the back doors open, when a big, possibly lethal, brown bear walked past. Having heard all the horror stories, we freaked out, until we realized it was a dog!
* We were told in Bali, by one of our drivers, that he couldn’t stop suddenly if he was about to have an accident, or the bad spirits would catch up.
* A goat was arrested in Nigeria because the police suspected a magician they were pursuing had turned himself into the goat!
* In China, the local bus, Number 4, had been involved in a number of accidents. Number 4 is considered unlucky in China so the local officials had the solution. They changed the number of the bus!
* We were touring a factory in Japan and a young Australian exchange student was acting as translator. The factory manager was waxing lyrical about his wonderful factory in Japanese, a couple of minutes at a time. The translator was giving a few words summary, very casually, and the manager became more and more angry and frustrated.
* On another tour in Japan, our group was being shown one of Japan’s famous rock gardens. One Aussie guy suggested that the garden needed a bit of rain.
* In China, our lives were in danger on the footpaths when noiseless electric scooters whooshed past, no noise and no lights (to save power!)
* We received a sudden jolt a few times in China. Thinking the bed matresses were soft, we would often slump down onto them, only to find they were very hard!
* In order to solve the hard bed problem, we eventually found a shop selling soft foam double mattresses. We bought three for us and 2 for our friends. We transported them by taxi, leaving virtually no room for the driver or us!
* The local street vendors in China simply plugged their electrical appliances into a nearby electricity pole.
* There were two big supermarkets on opposite sides of the street in our temporary home in Haimen, China. The older one had the same goods but higher prices and heaps more customers. When we asked why, we were told that the new one didn’t yet have ‘the faith of the people!’
* In Japan I was taken to a bath-house by my hosts, where we bathed and then changed into yukatas (cotton dressing gowns) and went straight to a dinner, where I was the guest of honour. Seated on the floor at small tables, the yukata was not long enough to hide my manhood! So I sat with my legs to the side, woman-style, much to the disgust of some of the Japanese males present. I blamed my sore knee.