Swanning around the world for the last 3 years, we have heard some interesting/amusing quotes.

Here are some of them…..

1.  Traveller, Laos: Young traveller who had to forgo  the $60 deposit after misplacing the pushbike he hired, after a drunken binge. “Who cares! Back in Australia, I spend more than that on drinks on a night out.”

2.  Aussie guy on the beach in Cambodia (victim of substance abuse): “I’ve done all the Europe thing, running of the bulls, San Sebastian, Seville, can’t remember a bloody thing!  Forgot the lot!”

3.  Aussie mate’s response: “Ya must have had a good time though, eh?”

4.  Tattoo all over a guy’s back, Thailand:  “Living on dreams and custard creams.”  (What the..?)

5.  American:  “I always say that the only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun!”

6.  Young female, USA:  “I couldn’t eat your food like kangaroo and emus and iguanas!  I only eat beef from a cow, pork from a pig, chicken and hot dogs!”


7.  Visitor to England:  “Before I came here (London) I thought Fawlty Towers was a comedy show.  Now I realize it’s a hard-hitting documentary!”

8.  Spanish guy at Pamplona at camp-site full of Aussies:  “I feel a stranger in my own country.”

9.  Young Aussie guy to me at Running of the Bulls, Pamplona:  “What about you gramps?  Getting involved?”

10.  British kid at Olympic Games, to his mate, ” If you had to eat your friend to survive, would you?”

11.  Busker wearing a brown kilt in Glasgow:  “People used to get sent to Australia for 7 years for wearing a kilt like this!” (See photo.)

12.  Young boy on ferry crossing the English Channel:  “It’s all wiggly, ain’t it?”

13.  Guy in Prague to his wife:  “I’m not walking around any more without a plan!”

14.  T-shirt:  “Oedipus, the original mother-f#$%er”

15.  T-shirt (Greece):  “I don’t need sex.  The government f#$%s me every day!”



16.  British woman, loudly, about the Muslims she was playing cards with on a cruise down the Nile:  “They’re actually quite nice people!”

17.  Her husband, unrelated:  “The jails are half full of Bosnians, innit?”

18.  Singaporean Indian:  “I never rode an elephant because I went to university and came straight here!”

19.  Same woman:  “Have you ever been to a disco or a pub?  I haven’t!”  (Editor’s note: yes we have!)



20.  Sign at Kuala Lumpur airport:  “Please hand in any guns before boarding.”

21.  Jimmy:  “I was the only white guy on the bus to Tunica and I was the only one who didn’t have a box of chicken!”

22.  Elderly African American guy at New Orleans casino after he bluffed a pot in a poker game (jumping up, doing a dance and yelling out loud enough for the whole poker room to hear):  “Stole one!  Stole one!  Like a runaway slave!”

23.  American cruise tourist:  “I don’t really want to go to Asia.  I like my all-American burgers.  If I want rice, I’ll buy rice!”


24.  Player in casino:  “All teachers are lazy.  I know because I went out with the same dumb girls in high school.”

25.  Same guy:  “We shoulda stopped paying back money to China when we caught them spying on us!”

26.  Beggar’s sign, Las Vegas:  “Kick me in the balls for $20!”

27.  Barack Obama, July 4th message:  “America is and always will be, the greatest nation on earth.”


28.  T-shirt:  “Keep the dream alive!  Go back to slee,p.”

29.  American Cousin April:  “Bootsy (the cat) has AIDS and Diabetes, but is a very healthy cat!”

30.  Teresa, younger tourist on 48-day cruise, when she had to leave the cruise early to go back to work:  “It sucks being young!”

31.  Young boy, to his mother, about food at restaurant:  “It tastes like mucus!”



32.  British, when the sun makes a rare appearance:  “That’s a nice bit of sun!”

33.  Juggler to female volunteer:  “Now, grab my balls!”

34.  Heckler to juggler:  (in the middle of his climax, with a bottle, a tray, 3 glasses of wine and a shoe balanced on his chin)  “Do up your fly!”

35.  German guy on cruise to Jewish woman:  “Don’t worry.  We can be friends!  My father died at Auschwitz too!  (Pause)  He fell off the guard tower!”   (Too soon!?)

36.  Elderly British gentleman, on hearing we were visiting Germany next:  “Ooooh!  I always said the only good German is a dead one!”

37.  American:  “Is it true that your government bought back all your guns?  (Yes.)  How is it safe?”

38.  American:  ”Australia?!  I don’t know where that’s at!”

39.  American taxi driver, after screeching to a halt, to a Swedish passenger:  “Are you with us or against us!?”


40.  Irish person when asked for directions: “Now I wouldn’t be starting here!”

Hope you enjoyed them!  Feel free to add any of your own favourites in the Comments section below, or email us.