Swanning around the world for the last 3 years, we have heard some interesting/amusing quotes.
Here are some of them…..
1. Traveller, Laos: Young traveller who had to forgo the $60 deposit after misplacing the pushbike he hired, after a drunken binge. “Who cares! Back in Australia, I spend more than that on drinks on a night out.”
2. Aussie guy on the beach in Cambodia (victim of substance abuse): “I’ve done all the Europe thing, running of the bulls, San Sebastian, Seville, can’t remember a bloody thing! Forgot the lot!”
3. Aussie mate’s response: “Ya must have had a good time though, eh?”
4. Tattoo all over a guy’s back, Thailand: “Living on dreams and custard creams.” (What the..?)
5. American: “I always say that the only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun!”
6. Young female, USA: “I couldn’t eat your food like kangaroo and emus and iguanas! I only eat beef from a cow, pork from a pig, chicken and hot dogs!”
7. Visitor to England: “Before I came here (London) I thought Fawlty Towers was a comedy show. Now I realize it’s a hard-hitting documentary!”
8. Spanish guy at Pamplona at camp-site full of Aussies: “I feel a stranger in my own country.”
9. Young Aussie guy to me at Running of the Bulls, Pamplona: “What about you gramps? Getting involved?”
10. British kid at Olympic Games, to his mate, ” If you had to eat your friend to survive, would you?”
11. Busker wearing a brown kilt in Glasgow: “People used to get sent to Australia for 7 years for wearing a kilt like this!” (See photo.)
12. Young boy on ferry crossing the English Channel: “It’s all wiggly, ain’t it?”
13. Guy in Prague to his wife: “I’m not walking around any more without a plan!”
14. T-shirt: “Oedipus, the original mother-f#$%er”
15. T-shirt (Greece): “I don’t need sex. The government f#$%s me every day!”
16. British woman, loudly, about the Muslims she was playing cards with on a cruise down the Nile: “They’re actually quite nice people!”
17. Her husband, unrelated: “The jails are half full of Bosnians, innit?”
18. Singaporean Indian: “I never rode an elephant because I went to university and came straight here!”
19. Same woman: “Have you ever been to a disco or a pub? I haven’t!” (Editor’s note: yes we have!)
20. Sign at Kuala Lumpur airport: “Please hand in any guns before boarding.”
21. Jimmy: “I was the only white guy on the bus to Tunica and I was the only one who didn’t have a box of chicken!”
22. Elderly African American guy at New Orleans casino after he bluffed a pot in a poker game (jumping up, doing a dance and yelling out loud enough for the whole poker room to hear): “Stole one! Stole one! Like a runaway slave!”
23. American cruise tourist: “I don’t really want to go to Asia. I like my all-American burgers. If I want rice, I’ll buy rice!”
24. Player in casino: “All teachers are lazy. I know because I went out with the same dumb girls in high school.”
25. Same guy: “We shoulda stopped paying back money to China when we caught them spying on us!”
26. Beggar’s sign, Las Vegas: “Kick me in the balls for $20!”
27. Barack Obama, July 4th message: “America is and always will be, the greatest nation on earth.”
28. T-shirt: “Keep the dream alive! Go back to slee,p.”
29. American Cousin April: “Bootsy (the cat) has AIDS and Diabetes, but is a very healthy cat!”
30. Teresa, younger tourist on 48-day cruise, when she had to leave the cruise early to go back to work: “It sucks being young!”
31. Young boy, to his mother, about food at restaurant: “It tastes like mucus!”
32. British, when the sun makes a rare appearance: “That’s a nice bit of sun!”
33. Juggler to female volunteer: “Now, grab my balls!”
34. Heckler to juggler: (in the middle of his climax, with a bottle, a tray, 3 glasses of wine and a shoe balanced on his chin) “Do up your fly!”
35. German guy on cruise to Jewish woman: “Don’t worry. We can be friends! My father died at Auschwitz too! (Pause) He fell off the guard tower!” (Too soon!?)
36. Elderly British gentleman, on hearing we were visiting Germany next: “Ooooh! I always said the only good German is a dead one!”
37. American: “Is it true that your government bought back all your guns? (Yes.) How is it safe?”
38. American: ”Australia?! I don’t know where that’s at!”
39. American taxi driver, after screeching to a halt, to a Swedish passenger: “Are you with us or against us!?”
40. Irish person when asked for directions: “Now I wouldn’t be starting here!”
Hope you enjoyed them! Feel free to add any of your own favourites in the Comments section below, or email us.
An American coming to play football in Australia, mind you he was going to be living in the outer suburbs of Brisbane.
“Will there be kangaroos jumping down my street?”.
“Yes, we ride the ones we catch to work”.
“Really?”.